Blog Post 20 (Gloria Pulley)

I don’t find myself particularly talented I guess.  I can run, I cook, I draw.  I have absolutely no musical ability.  I can’t dance.  I’m too uncoordinated to do any sports, or any physical activity besides walking and running. I can’t even paint.  I suck at all things painting, and I accept that.  So anyway, I thought I would choose cooking and leave the art to Abi because I know she’s really awesome at it.

So anyway I’m going to teach you my method of cooking soup.

1.      Sit down, shut up, and watch your mama.  During college my mom lived with the Dewees family (a different Dewees), and helped raise their three children.  After a while, she became really awesome at cooking for picky pallets.  Especially with soup.  When she does make soup I like to sit in the kitchen and watch her.  If your mom isn’t that good of a cook, watch your dad, your granny, aunt, or just the cooking channel.

2.      First you start by cutting your vegetables.  Onion, celery and carrots are the standard for most soups.  Use a big knife that looks like this:   

When cutting your onions, slice off the ugly ends and take off the nasty flaky layer by cutting a small slit from the top to bottom.  Then lay the onion on the cut end and chop in half.  Cut slits going from one end of the hemisphere to almost the other end.  Then cut across in the oppose direction.  Take a moment to cry because onions are evil. Repeat with other half.  Cut carrots and celery from top to bottom.  When chopping, use a circular type motion with your knife and arm and then you get to the end put your hand on top of the knife so you don’t cut off your fingers. 

3.      Stick your ish in a large pot with melted butter or olive oil.  Sauté on low to medium heat until the onions look kinda see through.  In terms of quantities just kinda wing it.  Cooking isn’t about being perfect. 

4.      Okay so we are just going to make vegetable soup because that’s easy.  Pour two cartons of vegetable broth in, add a can of kidney beans (drained), a can of chickpeas (drained) a can of mushrooms (drained), two cans of any type of tomato you like, and two bags of frozen soup vegetables mix. 

5.      For spices, eye ball it again and adjust later.  Stick in two bay leaves (make sure to take those out later). Take some mixed herbs and spices (trader joe’s has a 21 seasoning salute which is good) and lightly sprinkle that across the top of the soup.  Do the same with the salt.  Mix it up.

6.      Stick a lid on that thing and turn the temperature to the lowest setting you have.  Let it simmer for an hour stirring about every ten minutes so it doesn’t burn on the bottom.  When this yellowy-orange foam starts to form on top, that’s how you know it’s almost done.

7.      Serve it up (perhaps with a nice and toasty piece of whole grain baguette, or not. it’s your soup)

8.      Be adventurous.  Look on the internet for variations on soups.  Experiment with stuff in the spice cabinet like curry powder, cumin, coriander, etc.  Go to the store and look at different grains, beans, legumes (lentils and split peas), vegetables that you can stick in a pot and boil into something tasty. Try adding meat if you like dealing with that stuff (I don’t simply because I’m afraid of food borne illness and meat juice all over my kitchen). Don’t be afraid.  Make something that’s all your own or just copy someone’s recipe.  If it’s actually nasty, feed it to the dog.  Eyeball stuff.  Spill things.  Make a mess or don’t.  Throw stuff if you need to (I’m looking at you Rachel Gilbert.  You make me question whether I should ever let you cook in my kitchen again).  

Tips for what you should do while you wait:

·         Dance a bit.  Or a bunch.  Really move and grove even if you suck at dancing. 

·         Listen to loud music.

·         Wash some dishes that you dirtied in the process.

·         Read a book. 

·         Watch some Netflix. 

·         Draw a pretty picture reflecting upon your cooking experience. 

·         Please don’t leave the kitchen for too long because a stove is a pain in the ass to have to clean (especially gas stoves with those raised grates).

·         Write a blog post.

·         Do some other homework, like physics web homework (by the way, perfect for procrastinating on a Sunday afternoon).

·         Inform your parents that you are now ready to be a responsible adult that can fend for yourself in the real world.

·         File your taxes like an adult. 

·         Invest in a 401k or IRA.

·         Catch up on current events with some CNN or Fox or whatever.