How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse: An Instructional Manual by Allie Gregory

Step 1: Be prepared. There's a goat in the movie Hoodwinked who sings an entire song about it, so it's got to be true: one must be prepared for every possible eventuality. Zombie Apocalypses are a particularly important example. In the process of making a zombie-preparedness survival kit, you must first consider weapons. Seeing as very few encounters have actually been had with zombies, and all the shows have conflicting theories about what works, it is good to have a variety. I suggest a baseball bat, a machete, and some form a gun with both salt and silver projectiles to try. Next, you will need to protect yourself from becoming a zombie, so find your best armor, though preferably something you can move in. I personally would go for a padded football gear as there is a plethora of that in my household. Cover all skin. You don't want to become a zombie.
          The other three things to include in your preparation are fairly basic. Food, water, and medical supplies. If you account for the likely full shut down of society, it will be important to have basic means of keeping yourself and others alive. You can't fight zombies very effectively if you're dying of starvation, so all three of these items need to be stocked in plenty.

Step 2: Now that the apocalypse has begun, you have to analyze the situation and figure out how best to overcome it. Zombie's are congregating in urban areas where the most humans are. That being said, you need to find some place with minimal zombies that is easily defensible. Ideas include prisons (I know that's what they do on the Walking Dead even though I've never watched the show -- it sounds pretty brilliant), ships (I don't like to assume the zombies can't do things, but I find their ability to swim or operate boats questionable -- discard this idea should I be proved wrong), or maybe a blimp. This last idea is my personal favorite as you could potentially survive in a blimp with numerous people for a good deal of time. If society falls apart quickly enough, I'm sure you'll be able to find one. If you do your research ahead of time (as you really should after reading my guide), you might even know exactly where to find one near you and how to operate it. The situation certainly depends on the capabilities of the zombies, which as I've discussed are to be determined, but if you lay out your options ahead of time, it shouldn't take long to figure out which will work best.

Step 3: Save as many people as possible. Now this step is optional. I can't stop you from taking your family and running. I can't even stop you from leaving your family to die and saving yourself. But I can remind you that such actions would cause me to harshly judge your strength of character and or lack thereof and kindly request that you don't do them. If you can take people with you, please try. I would save my family and friends if possible, maybe the odd stranger, if they looked like they needed help. If you find children whose parents have become zombies, I must stress the judgement on leaving them behind. Please don't.

Step 4: Look for an end game. You've fought to a stronghold and fought to defend it. You've had to overcome anarchy and survive on limited resources. But you don't want to keep fighting your whole life. Instead, look for a cure. I really really hope you saved some scientists because you'd really love to save all those innocent people who have become zombies. But if you can't... If you determine that it is 110% absolutely impossible to save them... You must find a way to get rid of them. Again a scientist might be helpful or possible a chemist who's good at bombs. Find out what kills them. Make a plan. Enact this plan.

Step 5: Take over the world that rises from the ashes. Become supreme overlord.

Thanks for reading! Good luck surviving the apocalypse!