Ramblings YKK #8

Fears: loneliness, heights, random malicious strangers in house during the night, failure, not being good enough in terms of things I can’t change (stupid but fear is irrational)
Annoyances: (the things I see in myself) people not being themselves, pride, prejudices, hypocrisy
Accomplishments: debate, family, not giving up on my book, not being a shriveled up piece of tree bark mauled by squirrels in heart
Confusions: HUMAN BEINGS and why life turns out the way it does
Sorrows: never having “enough time”
Dreams: publishing books, enjoying my job, enjoying life, traveling everywhere, living by the beach, enjoying relationships
Idiosyncrasies: terrible posture, ever changing handwriting,
Risks: existing, drowning in extracurriculars, caring
Beloved Possessions, Now and Then: Then: Smallville. Now: Owl collection, computer, relationships
Problems: time management

A lot of times I try to figure out why other people do the things that they do. I’m not sure why; maybe I think I’ll be able to understand their behavior better? Not judging is something that I always try to do and fail. I make up excuses for almost everybody and everything that I see that I don’t like. Maybe that’s just their personality that's coming out interestingly, or maybe the person speeding on the highway just really needs to get home to go to the bathroom. If the person whacked me with their backpack and walked away or didn’t see me when I waved at them, maybe they were preoccupied with thoughts of brownie bacon at home or their mom just told them that they had to come home early because the fridge is heating everything up. And these are lame excuses and honestly don’t solve anything but I also can’t be like, WHY DID YOU DO THAT? because often I don’t know when I do things myself.

And Smallville is a village made up of small toys that had their own lives - and I was an eight-year-old God over them. (wow. that sounds like an early symptom of control-freak-ness. I promise I’m not as much of a control freak anymore?) They opened restaurants when I told them to, went on vacation in dragon infested lands because I told them to, and rebelled against their parents and became pirates when I told them to. They got in petty fights, tried to enslave fellow citizens, and introduced new members; they fussed whenever I put them into dingy apartments after a month of silky and studded stardom traveling the world. I always knew how it ended, and there was plenty of drama. This was the TV of my earlier years.