Easy, Breezy, Coversquirrel- Gloria Pulley

            As insensitive and sarcastic as I can be at times, I cannot satire.  Maybe I need to deprive myself of some sleep and see how sarcastic and satirey I feel then. Idk.  Anyway I thought I would just write about what I like to do to unwind over long weekends.  This weekend was kinda a long weekend for me.  It’s been a weird day.  So here it goes

1.      Make a bunch of plans to be very proactive about doing all the homework for the next two weeks.  Grab all your textbooks.  Clean all the binders.  Take all the notes.  Do all the ish.  Write this list down somewhere, perhaps on a sheet out paper.  Take said sheet of paper and light it on fire.  Just blaze it.  Then promptly throw its burning carcass off the roof of an eight story building because none of that stuff will get done.  Just accept it.

2.      Actually make it home immediately.  Let nothing stop you.  You are on a mission for the solitude of your bedroom. (dramatically hums the mission impossible theme song while speeding down new circle at 80 miles per hour in a race home)

3.      Make some coffee.  You have a long night ahead…

4.      Take a shower because school is disgusting.  Like seriously some people don’t wash their hands after the bathroom and touch the school and you’ve been bathing in that nasty for the last eight hours.  Wash away all traces of that place. 

5.      Jump into bed and break open the Netflix. 

6.      Fall asleep within 20 minutes.

7.      Wake up 21 hours later feeling well rested.  By this point your parents will have probably begun to worry that you might be dead.  Make sure to reassure them that you are actually still alive by emerging and eating some breakfast or lunch or dinner or whatever meal it is because it’s dark outside and you’re confused.  Just stick with pancakes.  Those are always good. 

8.      Take another shower.

9.      Remember that you didn’t even drink your coffee from the other night.  Cry a little.  Netflix.  Sleep.  Repeat until it’s finally time to do all that homework.  Cry.  The end. 

Steps 1-8.5 based on actual experience from last year, the Friday after fall finals.  I’m not kidding on the sleeping part.